my brother's
heart of gold
- - - - - - - -
Cody and I stood atop the mountain, scrounging the courage to peer over the side of the cliff down to the sea of darkness miles below. There were men down there; men firing arrows at us which we were able to dodge because by the time they reached the peak they were moving too slowly to really be dangerous. I wasn't sure where we were or why we were there, but after a time it was demanded of us that we descend the mountain - not down the path on the backside away from the troops below, but so they could watch us struggle with the steep wall of rock and moss that faced the east and the rising sun and the retreating storm that had battered us the night before. The wall was dry, though. We started down facing outward with our backs gripping the sleek rock which didn't provide proper foot holes or decent holdings for our fingers, which were strained from pressing on to the tiny ledges that we used to attempt the descent. It hurt badly, and I could sense it in his voice when Cody asked me how I was doing that he too felt the pain of his whole weight on his measly fingers (comparatively speaking). It wasn't a task that could be completed by anyone, but we continued down towards the bottom, foot after foot. I tried taking myself away to a place that I wouldn't mind thinking of at the moment of death in case my fingers gave out and I had to plummet to the crust of the earth - which was probably a half mile below at this point - until Cody reminded me that focus alone would get us down safely so we could see Mom and Dad and Abby again. But what were the odds of that Spielberg ending with a horde of unknown archers waiting at the base; waiting to take us away perhaps or simply strike us down once we had survived the climb down this inconceivable mountain wall. Cody tried to keep me calm, his Army training being useful to him after having done a high ropes course and been through the mental rigors of boot camp and basic training, but I was sweating and beginning to forget my cool while all the time keeping my eyes near my feet looking for the next available outreach of helpful rock and Cody coached my hands from grip to grip never letting me falter or lose control. The angle of the wall began to lessen to the point where we could trade some of the pressure from our fingers to our toes and believe that God was listening to our begging prayers for a safe landing. I slipped, and had I leaned and let my shoulders grip the wall and guide me to the ground I would have survived and gotten to see my friends return from the war, my sister have my niece or nephew, things like that. I forwarded the tip up to Cody who was still gripping for his life and watching helplessly as I fell the last hundreds of feet towards the ocean of black below, eventually doing as I said and leaning himself back and riding down like a big slide at a theme park or county fair to safety. I never found out what happened to him after that due to the fact that I didn't make it to meet the angels in the afterlife but i assume he lived on to fulfill his wartime goals. I crossed over ill and with regret about my life choices and was told at the gates to go back and fix what I felt needed it but I declined and was winked from existence with the rest of the sinners and second guessers. Looking back I wish I had corrected my errors and been given the chance to check up on my brother who helped me that day - it wasn't his fault that things ended the way they did because he kept me holding on longer than I ever wanted to, him and his heart of gold. I wish I could have seen him fight the war and come home with a commendation or two, marry Erin and have a few kids who grow up in the church and who have my father's work ethic and ambition as Cody himself does.
